I like to learn something new every day. Bubble wrap, before becoming the packing item we know so well, was originally conceived as textured wallpaper.

Hank often arrives late to work but makes up for it by leaving early.

Somewhere there’s a tree producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.

Uber drivers make the most by driving their customers away.

Back in his school days, Oliver dated two bags. He was bisatchel.

Don’t be mistaken. Buy the best bacon.

I like to learn something new every day. When you crack your knuckles, you’re hearing bubbles of gas collapsing inside the joint fluid—not bones grinding.

Ignorance = bliss. You = happiest person in the world.

When money is needed for nest repairs, do birds look into escrow?

I love you more than coffee but DON’T make me prove it!

Is “to be or not to be” even a question?

“Your vocal cords called. They need a break.”

I like to learn something new every day. Spider silk, strand for strand, is stronger than steel.

Aww, look who is all grown up and ready for their first colonoscopy!

What has practically no weight yet few can hold it? The tongue.

Here are my favorite ones: one, un, ek, uno, een and yksi.

I told my therapist about you!

Sometimes Biff orders a water to surprise his liver.

You’re like a mound of butter and syrup-laden flapjacks. Nobody stacks up to you.

First names are good but we need to get with the times and also give our bologna a pronoun.