@RnDanger

Sent gp a message about getting into a psych for autism eval... Nothing will come of it im sure...

Just sure would be nice to have a piece of paper to give whenever someone asks "what the fuck is wrong with you"

@jiub ye, nah, if I get becalmed... Im skinny dipping in the ocean, 100%

@jiub i cant wait to be naked in the middle of open water :3

@PhoenixSerenity you should check dead prez if you dont already know of them which is unlikely

So, I guess Ill give a little backstory, and at the end of it, if you read, you might understand why I am where I am and why I divulge and rant so much.

I was married for 10 years, got married at 22. Super not a great idea... Ive rushed into relationships my entire life to my own detrement, outright ignoring every red flag possible... I had a ton of major issues myself, anger, paranoia, abandonment, you name it... Because I never ever saw myself as important enough to value, my needs never came first for me, I just operated off the assumption that if I give 100% to their needs, they would do the same.

Im the type of person that would give you the shirt off my back and freeze to death because it elevated you.

Ive always operated like that, I believe in my soul that is the proper way the world should function. I know it doesnt, but it should and I will be what I want to see in the world.

Altruism is, well, just that.

But, I would never even take care of myself, because I had an inescapable need to be helpful. I thought if I could just help everybody, eventually somebody would help me... And to their credit, regardless of how toxic shit was, they did, they did their best...

But, I also never developed friends, or a solid social net, outside of a couple, literally 2... And well, my best best friend from childhood died from inhalent abuse 10ish years ago... And my second best friend died from uncaught internal bleeding 6 years ago.

My family is entirely nonexistant in terms of communicating or supporting eachother at all for that matter.

Aside from my mother, the only parent of an only child, who is an alchoholic, and gambling addict, and unapologetic narcissist.

Might be where I got that whole revolve myself around others shit, and the I am worthless shit.

Anyway, she was my only remote hope at a social net... But her and my stepdad, just got their house foreclosed on, and are declaring bankruptcy, because they gambled everything they had, I actually have more money than they do.

So. That whole loneliness epidemic shit you hear about... Yeah, Im actually probably more than most on that, the majority of people at least have a family member they can call and talk to. I do not. I have random internet people.

Who are in no way other than human decency invested in my well being.

Im finally, invested in my own well being instead of strangle holding the few hobbies that brought me joy, I instead really should put my soul focus in doing something that has been calling to me since I was 7 years old.

Anyway, context.