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  4. You calm down

You calm down

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  • RmDebArc_5R RmDebArc_5
    This post did not contain any content.
    pimento64@sopuli.xyzP This user is from outside of this forum
    pimento64@sopuli.xyzP This user is from outside of this forum
    pimento64@sopuli.xyz
    wrote last edited by
    #11

    Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
    For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

    A S W S 5 5 Replies Last reply
    15
    • O otacon239@lemmy.world

      There’s a reason the only smartwatch I’d allow health tracking on is the Pebble. I really don’t like the idea of a corp having realtime heartbeat info on me.

      N This user is from outside of this forum
      N This user is from outside of this forum
      nailingjello@lemmy.zip
      wrote last edited by
      #12

      I’m excited for my new Pebble to arrive, but it’ll be a few more months at least.

      1 Reply Last reply
      1
      • pimento64@sopuli.xyzP pimento64@sopuli.xyz

        Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
        For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

        A This user is from outside of this forum
        A This user is from outside of this forum
        IngeniousRocks (They/She)
        wrote last edited by
        #13

        “You” statements are often read as accusatory, consider the “I” statement: “I need you to calm down because I’m becoming stressed by your attitude”

        C 1 Reply Last reply
        3
        • pimento64@sopuli.xyzP pimento64@sopuli.xyz

          Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
          For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

          S This user is from outside of this forum
          S This user is from outside of this forum
          sploosh@lemmy.world
          wrote last edited by
          #14

          None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.

          DaGeek247D 1 Reply Last reply
          10
          • G glimse@lemmy.world

            I know this is a joke but it made me think how messed up it is that we’ve outsourced recognizing our own emotions lol

            Also, now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

            C This user is from outside of this forum
            C This user is from outside of this forum
            clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com
            wrote last edited by
            #15

            now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

            Only if you choose devices that require all data go through their servers, like a garmin.

            1 Reply Last reply
            1
            • A IngeniousRocks (They/She)

              “You” statements are often read as accusatory, consider the “I” statement: “I need you to calm down because I’m becoming stressed by your attitude”

              C This user is from outside of this forum
              C This user is from outside of this forum
              clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              wrote last edited by
              #16

              “I feel stressed with your attitude” is the I statement. It needs to start with your feelings on a particularly situation.

              Even better is one that doesn’t include an accusation. “I feel stressed when you get upset over stupid shit” works better if you keep it to “I feel stressed when you get upset.” – keeps the discussion on feelings instead of openning it up for an argument on stupid shit.

              1 Reply Last reply
              2
              • G glimse@lemmy.world

                I know this is a joke but it made me think how messed up it is that we’ve outsourced recognizing our own emotions lol

                Also, now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

                W This user is from outside of this forum
                W This user is from outside of this forum
                whelks_chance@lemmy.world
                wrote last edited by
                #17

                You say outsourced, but it’s not like (men largely, but probably everyone) were super in touch with our emotions previously.

                1 Reply Last reply
                5
                • pimento64@sopuli.xyzP pimento64@sopuli.xyz

                  Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
                  For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                  W This user is from outside of this forum
                  whelks_chance@lemmy.world
                  wrote last edited by
                  #18

                  Sounds like a great way to get a chair upside the back of your head.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  9
                  • S sploosh@lemmy.world

                    None of that sounds productive to me. It seems accusatory and self-satisfied to the point of being abusive. Sounds like the kind of things infuriatingly rude people say and do to try and deflect from their own toxicity.

                    DaGeek247D This user is from outside of this forum
                    DaGeek247D This user is from outside of this forum
                    DaGeek247
                    wrote last edited by
                    #19

                    I thought that was the joke; this is such terrible advice that it’s obviously a troll/sarcasm levels of joke.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    10
                    • G glimse@lemmy.world

                      I know this is a joke but it made me think how messed up it is that we’ve outsourced recognizing our own emotions lol

                      Also, now a bunch of companies have tons of data on when and where we feel things

                      W This user is from outside of this forum
                      W This user is from outside of this forum
                      wolflink@sh.itjust.works
                      wrote last edited by
                      #20

                      The “take a minute to breathe” thing is on a timer; it doesn’t react to detected emotions.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      5
                      • RmDebArc_5R RmDebArc_5
                        This post did not contain any content.
                        B This user is from outside of this forum
                        B This user is from outside of this forum
                        big_slap@lemmy.world
                        wrote last edited by
                        #21

                        I kinda like it when my watch tells me that im stressed out and to do a breathing exercise. it helps me realize that I’m probably upset over absolutely nothing in the heat of a moment.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        0
                        • pimento64@sopuli.xyzP pimento64@sopuli.xyz

                          Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
                          For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          S This user is from outside of this forum
                          shalafi@lemmy.world
                          wrote last edited by
                          #22

                          The number of people addressing this post as serious advice is troubling.

                          Laughing when I got to “Close your mouth”!

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          3
                          • pimento64@sopuli.xyzP pimento64@sopuli.xyz

                            Telling people “calm down” is a very unconstructive de-escalation tactic because it has no substance. People respond much better if you address specific conduct, explain a potential consequence, ask for something else, and then give space.
                            For example, when someone needs to calm down, I tell them “You’d better fix that attitude problem of yours before it gets you into trouble”, and then as soon as they begin to respond I interrupt with “Close your mouth” and I walk away. This makes people realize they’re overreacting and they calm down right away.

                            5 This user is from outside of this forum
                            5 This user is from outside of this forum
                            5too@lemmy.world
                            wrote last edited by
                            #23

                            image

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            2
                            • A areakode@lemmy.world

                              My Fitbit like to congratulate me on getting so many In The Zone minutes. I’m not working out, but thanks I guess?

                              A This user is from outside of this forum
                              A This user is from outside of this forum
                              alecsadler@lemmy.blahaj.zone
                              wrote last edited by
                              #24

                              My Fitbit does this because my resting HR is so high, lol

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              1

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